Dumb Things

Spike wore a T-shirt that said, “Warning: I Do Dumb Things.”

“Is that true?” I asked him on a November day as he politely opened the bar’s door for me.

“Yep. That’s me.” He laughed, his round belly jiggling. “I don’t even have to drink any beer first.”

“I’m gonna buy you one anyway,” I said. “I really do appreciate you delivering my pumpkins. Why didn’t your crew come along for a beer?”

“They’ve got Thanksgiving stuff to do. And they don’t want to mess with what we might have going.” He helped me onto a tall stool by the long, wooden bar.

“We don’t have anything going on.”

“I know that, babe, but they don’t.” He ordered mugs of beer for the both of us.

I looked at him sideways. “You been talkin’ about me to your buddies?”

“No. They read my tee-shirts.”

“Am I a dumb thing for you to do?”

He grinned. “Never.”

The beers arrived. He drank most of his mug fast, leaving foam on his mustache. I wanted to lick it off.

But instead, I sipped at my mug, then said, “You’re going to play Santa again this year?”

“Yep. Got three gigs already lined up. And the appointment to have my beard and hair dyed white.”

“Your friends think that’s a dumb thing to do?”

“Some of ‘em.” He waved at the bartender for another beer.

“Some of them think I’m a dumb thing?”

“They think you’re too smart for me. But I like you anyway.” His warm eyes went up and down me, making me warm, too.

“Well,” I said, “I think playing Santa is a very smart thing for you to do.”

“And why is that?”

I sipped more beer. “Because Santa knows where all the bad girls live.”

He snorted a quick laugh. Downed the last of his beer. Slid his hand across my butt. Then said, “Did I ever show you what I can do with pumpkins?”

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4 comments on “Dumb Things

  1. Steve Smith says:

    Engaging dialogue, Debrah. Spike is an interesting guy. Liked the ending.

    • Debrah says:

      Thanks, Steve, this was a FreeWrite exercise on dialogue, with a picture of a guy who looks like my friend Spike wearing the “Warning” T-shirt and surrounded by friends and pumpkins. And yeah, my friend does play Santa every year.

  2. Cappy Love Hanson says:

    What fun, Debrah! Did this really happen, or is it pure fiction? Thanks for the smile.

    • Debrah says:

      DUMB THINGS is fiction. It’s another bit from FreeWrite. We were working on dialogue that day, and the prompt was a picture of wild people with pumpkins. A man in the middle reminded me of my friend Spike, who does play Santa each Christmas season. This may turn out to be one of my favorite pieces, because I had the single line, “Santa knows where all the bad girls live,” to aim for and the rest – actions and everything – just came. And I realized it wasn’t magic, it was skill. So now I feel skilled. See you tomorrow!

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